Vulgar Baby Buggy Bumpers

Yeehaw?

2011-09-17T09:09:00.000-07:00

You took your first trip to the grocery store with me today, and you did very well. Three strangers commented on how beautiful/precious you are, and I beamed with pride. You only fussed a little bit when you got sleepy, but I reminded you of your pacifier, and you took a little nap. Bliss!

Right now, you're out in the shop with your Daddy, napping in your bouncy seat on the back of the bass boat. You're well on your way to becoming a redneck. :)

I'm paying BILLS!!!

We love you!!!

Intentions

2011-09-15T10:36:00.000-07:00

I had the very best of them. I still do. Though I've not written to you every day or week since your birth, I've thought about it. And I have been writing things in your baby book as they happen, so all hope is not lost I suppose. I've only made a very small dent in your first photo album, and its contents are of things before your birth. I have at least been able to periodically photograph you, and I do have a photo for each month of your life thus far . . . give or take a day.

You were very challenging for me for the first 3 months of your life. You were diagnosed with colic and acid reflux, and it seemed that nothing I did gave you any relief or made you happy. Around the 3rd month, you seemed to become more of a person and less of an infant. You smiled often; you still do, even with a snotty nose and a diaper rash. I often think how wonderful you'd be if you didn't have these little ailments, and I'm hoping that you're soon over this "cold" they've diagnosed you with. It's been 3 weeks, and I know you're sick of snot. I sure am.

I love you, and I tell you every day, very often. Your father loves you too; I've never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you. He marvels over you. I do too, but I think you know that; it's no secret to anyone else, either.

It's Been a Month Already

2011-06-13T14:36:00.000-07:00

And things might be starting to settle a bit, though I don't want to jinx it! Son, you've had quite a time with your tummy! We've been to the doctor twice in 2 weeks and we're going back Wednesday for a follow up. I'm hopeful that we're on the right track and have found some things that work for you! I just want you to be happy and comfortable and healthy. You've been through enough already!

Last night in your sleep you cooed for the first time. It was very loud and sweet, and I'm glad your Daddy and I were both able to hear it! He's been working out of town during the week, and it's been very overwhelming for me taking care of you alone. Your Meme and MawMaw have been helping, as have some of our friends. It's been hard for me to accept the fact that I can't do very much right now other than take care of you. Sometimes I don't get to brush my teeth until the afternoons! Sometimes I have to let you cry and/or scream when I have to use the bathroom. Everyone tells me it will get better, and I'm trying to be patient and not be discouraged, but it's very challenging.

My favorite time of the day is the early evening after your 5:00 feeding when you're content and cuddley. I hold you and look at your face, your ears, your hands. I stroke your cheek and you smile. You're a sweet baby when you're not in pain. I sure hope things are getting better for you. I love you so much.

It's a Boy!

2011-05-25T11:17:00.001-07:00

You were born on Tuesday, May 10, 2011, at 8:22 PM. We've been through quite an adventure together.

Daddy and I checked in at the hospital Monday night at 6PM. At 9:35 PM, my water broke. By 10:30 PM, I started to feel contractions. Around 4:00 AM, the nurse gave me some pain medication, and I slept until 6:00 AM, when I awoke to MUCH stronger contractions. The doctor came in and checked me a few times throughout the morning, and by 9:30 AM I couldn't stand the pain any longer. My epidural was placed, and I continued to labor without pain for several hours. Around 6:00 PM, they prepped us for delivery. I began pushing, and we worked hard for an hour and a half to bring you into the world, but you had other plans.

Around 8:00 PM, they prepped us for a c-section. This would be my first major surgery. You were born with the umbilical cord around your neck, and you had a hard time breathing at first. You and I both had fever and an infection. They let me see you for only a moment, and they rushed you to the NICU while Daddy went with a nurse to tell our friends and family you'd arrived.

Once the surgery was complete, I was brought back to the room. Because of the fever we both had at delivery, I wasn't allowed to see you until 24 hours after my fever broke and my epidural was removed. Daddy got to see you in the NICU around 10:30 PM the night you were born and took pictures of you. I felt horrible about you being there, like it was all my fault, like I'd done something to make you sick. I wanted to hold you badly, but I had to be patient; I couldn't do anything to risk your health. While in the NICU, you received 5 days of IV antibiotics, and they fed you through a feeding tube. You pulled your IV out several times over your 8-day stay, and you tugged your feeding tube from your nose a few times also. You definitely made your presence known. You're a fighter; strong; I hope you never lose that.

I held you for the first time on May 13, 2011. I was amazed; scared; relieved; joyful; excited; anxious. There was no doubt about how much I love you.

We brought you home on May 18, 2011. Your Daddy and I are looking forward to our new lives together. We want the best for you, and we love you more than words can say. Welcome home, Zachary.

Slight Change In Plans

2011-05-06T18:33:00.000-07:00

It seems that we will meet sooner than we thought! After the weekly check up on Wednesday, Doc decided we've milked this long enough, and you'll be brought into this world on Tuesday, May 10th. Doc plans to admit me Monday evening and prep me for induction Tuesday.

Today was a biophysical exam. I watched on screen as the sonogram tech checked hand and foot flexation, arm and leg movement, and head movement; I saw you practice breathing; I even saw a little hair on your head! The tech measured the amount of amniotic fluid. Everything was perfect except for your overall movement. Apparently you had stage fright. You wouldn't budge. She wiggled and poked you, running the transducer across my belly. I rolled onto my left side, then onto my right. She made me sit up for a while and lie down again. Still nothing. You were NOT going to participate.

Doc sent me downstairs to labor and delivery. I had to put on an ugly hospital gown and lie in a bed in one of the patient rooms. The nurse hooked me up to the NST monitor, and for an hour I had to press a button every time you moved while the two sensors attached to my belly monitored your heart rate and my uterus for contractions. I could hear your heart beat for an hour; it's a wonderful sound!

Everything turned out just fine. You're a very active and responsive baby, and I'm not having any contractions yet. And in FOUR days, I'll be able to hold you and tell you hello and I love you!

37 Weeks & 1 Day

2011-04-27T18:24:00.000-07:00

But who's counting?

Had an interesting day. Went to the doctor's office for the weekly check-up. Last week, he said I was effaced. This week? I'm dilated 1 cm. You are ON THE WAY kid! And after the sonogram, I found out that you weigh 7 lbs 11 oz! That was MY birth weight! Whew! We've still got 3 weeks to go, baby, I hope you're not a 10-pounder!

I'm very uncomfortable lately. I haven't had any contractions as far as I can tell, but if I stand in the kitchen more than 10 minutes, my lower back starts to hurt. I'm frustrated because I can't do much around the house, and I'm here alone all week while Daddy works. I do a little bit at a time, but my feet swell and hurt and I have to lie down for a while.

I never thought I'd miss grocery shopping, but I do. I haven't gone to a store since March 16th. Some visitors would be welcome around here. Daddy will be home tomorrow; I always feel better when he's here. Last weekend he put your car seat in my truck. I talked to him today after the doctor's appointment, and he is SO excited! We're ready to bring you home!

Wiggle-worm!

2011-04-11T19:12:00.001-07:00

You're moving around right now, making me a little bit uncomfortable, but I know soon enough I'll miss this. 5 more weeks until we meet. I can't wait!

I finished putting your changing table together this weekend, and your Daddy and I moved it into your room. Loki thought it was for him, of course, and slept on it for a week while it was in the living room. I think he's missing it now, but he'll get over it.

I've started gathering things to pack in the hospital bag; I hope to get that done this weekend, just in case!

We see the doctor Wednesday. He'll start checking to see if I'm dialated at each visit from now through the end. I hope I don't go into labor until your Daddy's home, but if it does happen, you and I will try to hold off until he can drive to be with us. He's only 2 hours away. I think we can do it.

I haven't finished your mobile yet. I feel like I have so much to do and no time to do it, but I just don't have a lot of energy when work is done for the day. I'm trying to rest with my feet up as much as possible like the doctor said to do, but these chores are nagging at me.

I've been writing in your baby book. I look forward to adding more to it once you're here with us.

We love you.

House Arrest

2011-03-23T18:23:00.000-07:00

Almost 2 months have past since I've written to you. A lot has happened.

We "passed" the sugar test back in January. No gestational diabetes. In February, I experienced heart burn for the first time in my life. It lasted 3 days.

At the end of February, your Daddy and I took a trip to San Antonio, TX. We ate at Pat O'Brians and Rain Forest Cafe and Salt Grass Steak House. We visited the Alamo and took a boat ride around the Riverwalk. It was a lot of fun, but my feet began swelling badly that weekend from all the walking. Your Daddy rubbed my feet with lotion, which was very helpful. I also reached 200 pounds by the end of February!

In March, your Daddy flew for the very first time in his life. He went to Las Vegas for a seminar about solar panels for work. He brought home a bib for you that says "potty like a rock star". It's the first thing your Daddy has gotten you.

When I saw the doctor last week, my blood pressure had increased, and I was very swollen. He had to run tests to check for toxemia and preeclampsia, and I was placed on house arrest, not allowed to run the roads or go grocery shopping or anything! With your Daddy working out of town, I'm here alone, with you and our pets, working from home and resting from home. I'm tired of home, but I'll do what I have to do to keep you safe and healthy until you're ready to greet the world.

Today I saw the doctor again for a follow up appointment. The lab work shows that I don't have toxemia or preeclampsia, and my blood pressure had gone down, as had the swelling and my weight. The doctor was pleased with my progress, and I remain on house arrest until I reach 37 weeks at a minimum. By then it would be safe to deliver you!

I also got to see YOU today during the doctor's appointment. According to him, you're perfect; your measurements are good, and you weigh approximately 4 lbs. 11 oz. We see the doctor again next week, and probably every week until you arrive. Your Daddy and I are so excited! You're almost here!

My Nose, or Daddy's Nose?

2011-01-31T17:54:00.000-08:00

Finally during the 24-week sonogram, I got to see your face! I was so excited! I saw your profile, your eyes, an ear, your cute nose. I think you have your Daddy's nose, but your MawMaw Tish says you have my nose. I saw your strong little heart beating. I saw your ribs and spine and legs and feet and toes.

The doctor says everything looks good, you're growing normally, and you appear healthy. I'm so happy and excited to finally meet you in May!

This weekend, your Daddy and I put together your crib. I need to wash the bed clothes and make the crib up for you next.

I found some savings bonds from the early 80s when I was a little girl. I'm going to use those to open a savings account for you after you're born and have a social security number.

This week I have to call the pediatrician's office to register before you arrive. Sometime soon I also need to pre-register for delivery at the hospital and tour the facility. So much to do before you arrive!

We're slowly planning a baby shower to take place in March. I have my guest list done, and I found some invitations I like. It's coming together slowly. I've been sick for a week, and there's very little medication I can take, because some things could harm you. So I've been suffering a bit, but really I don't mind too much; I know it'll get better soon, and I'd rather go through it to have a healthy you than risk you to feel better.

Love you baby!

Do You Like Soccer?

2011-01-15T09:19:00.000-08:00

Friday, January 14 at 2:00 AM . . . I woke up and felt your first real "kick". I felt several more kicks for the next 4 hours. You were pretty active VERY early that morning! It worries me a bit that it's a sign of what's to come, that you'll be a little party animal, staying up all night and sleeping all day.

Don't do that to Mommy please. :)

So far, your father hasn't been able to feel you move. I woke him up that morning, put his hand on my tummy, and you stopped moving immediately. Are you shy? He's your Daddy, you should let him experience this too, little one.

It was such an awesome experience, I wouldn't have been able to fall asleep easily, even if you hadn't kept moving. It reassures me that you're still with me, and it reminds me of what a thing of wonder you really are.

I can't wait to meet you!

Half Way There!

2011-01-08T18:40:00.000-08:00

I'm a little late with this, but I've been busy, and TIRED!

I saw you on the 29th of December, right after Christmas. Your father and grandmother saw you, too. We watched you settling in, trying to get comfortable again after the sonogram technician spent QUITE a while measuring you, making sure you're growing properly, checking that all your organs are working. So far, you're a healthy baby, developing properly, right on target for delivery date May 17th.

While we watched you on the monitor, you kicked your feet rapidly, as if you were trying to swim away. I didn't feel it, and it surprised us all. You were facing my spine during the scan, so the technician couldn't get a picture of your face, or even your profile. They will finish up the scan during my next appointment on the 26th of January. I hope that you'll let me see your face. Each time I hear your heartbeat, I get more excited, and it is always a relief to know that you're still with me.

Today I bought you some clothes and some toys and a little bathtub. We have your bed, but we haven't put it together yet. Your Daddy is working almost every day, so we haven't had much time together to work on the big projects. I hope to have the bed set up by the end of this month.

In about 4 months, you'll be here, and I cannot wait to meet you!

Names . . .

2010-12-23T19:28:00.000-08:00

I'll be seeing you in a week; 20-week sonogram is scheduled on the 29th, just after Christmas. I think you're kicking, but I can't feel it externally yet. You're still too small, according to the books I've been reading. It won't be long until I'll look back at the quiet times and wish you couldn't kick I'm sure.

We finally agreed upon a name, and if you turn out to be a girl, we will call you Emma Claire. I'm still working on a list of boy names. Your father isn't as helpful with that choice, because he is so sure you are going to be a girl. It's kind of sweet, but I'd like to be prepared, just in case you turn out to be a boy. I'm not going to name a boy Emma. :(

I have your crib bedding and mobile, and your MawMaw Tish has your crib and mattress at her house. We have to get it and set it up here, but will probably wait until after Christmas to do so. I still have a few things to move out of what will be your room so that there's room for new furniture. I hope you don't mind blue walls.

I have purchased quite a few clothes for you, and friends have been giving us toys that their little ones don't play with anymore. I'm stockpiling diapers in various sizes and of various brands. I'm very excited, and I'm getting anxious now, wanting you to be here, especially when I'm here alone and I know you're here, but I can't see you. Hormones I guess.

No one can be completely prepared for the arrival of a baby, but I'm trying to do my best to make sure I've got at least a little of everything I might need to cover us until we figure things out. I just want you to be healthy and happy, and we'll both do our best to make that happen.

Baby Flight

2010-11-16T08:31:00.000-08:00

14 weeks today, and you're taking your first airplane ride. We're heading to Nashville today for a business trip. Hope you don't have an odd craving while we're in the air; not much can be done about that!

Heard your heartbeat again earlier this month. Doctor says it's still stong and steady. Before I know it, you'll be here!

Love you already.

9 Weeks

2010-10-17T07:20:00.000-07:00

According to a book I've been reading, you have arms and legs with hands and feet, and you have eyes and external ears. You're small still, around 1 1/4 inches. We see the doctor next month during the 12th week. I hope to hear your heartbeat again.

I haven't exactly had morning sickness yet, but I struggle nearly every morning with brushing my teeth. Some days, I get sick; others, I don't. I haven't lost a meal yet, so thanks for that!

Your father and I have agreed, strongly, that we don't want to know your gender until you arrive in May. Some of our friends and family disagree with our decision, but we stand by it. I think you're a boy. Your father hasn't really guessed yet. Your great aunt thinks you're a girl and is already buying pink things. Some of my friends and coworkers think you're a girl. We just want you to be healthy, we don't care if you're a boy or a girl.

Your grandparents are excited and happy; your aunts and uncles, too. There is no doubt in my mind that you will be well-loved.

Yesterday, I went to Target to set up a baby registry. I was overwhelmed by the bottles and nipples and pacifiers; the rest wasn't too confusing. I wasn't able to find a high chair, and I picked the only stroller they had that wasn't a travel system. I may have to start another registry at Wal-mart for some items. There are so many things we need to take care of you!

I am very tired very easily, which I'm told is normal and may pass after the first trimester. I only hope that when you're finally here, I will be able to keep up with you!

See you soon!

We Meet At Last

2010-10-07T07:15:00.000-07:00

I first knew about you on September 9, 2010, after taking a home pregnancy test. That test was confirmed on September 13, 2010, after urinalysis and blood test in the doctor's office. We officially met on October 6, 2010, through an ultrasound in the doctor's office. Your father and I heard your heartbeat for the first time. We both cried. You're real; you're alive; you're growing; your heart is strong; we could not be happier.

Constant Doubts

2009-04-04T13:41:00.001-07:00

Things have been tough all over lately. I haven't had the urge to come here and talk about them. I'm sort of making myself do that today.

Anxiety. I have it . . . an anxiety disorder. It doesn't constantly plague me, but when things get rough or intense, it "flares up." Enter the following: work has become insanely stressful as several initiatives have been pressed upon us from upon high; grandmother was taken to the emergency room with "altered metal status;" husband and I took out new/increased life insurance policies; I came down with bronchitis and missed 35 hours of work in one week; to top it, we're trying to have a baby.

That's when the constant and rambling thoughts start. "How am I going to handle having a baby if I can't handle bronchitis?" It all rolled downhill from there.

What if I have a C-section, how long will it take me to recover, what if I miss more work than I can supplement with earned leave, how do I get myself and an infant ready for the workday every morning, what if my life changes and my husband's doesn't . . . it just goes on and on and on.

So, I called a counselor. And my doctor upped my Lexapro. And I am now coping. And learning as much as I can now while I have the time, reading books, watching videos, asking friends about their experiences. It's all helping.

Maybe I can do this after all.

Presidential Address

2009-02-09T18:23:00.001-08:00

Makes me want to get back on the pill. He succeeded in depressing the entire nation. Way to go, freak.

Abnormal = HPV

2009-01-22T17:56:00.000-08:00

I called to find out more information about the letter I received yesterday. It turns out that my PAP smear returned positive results for HPV. This was the first year they actually tested for the virus, so there's no telling how long I've been a carrier.

That's what they called me. A carrier. Does that mean I actually have it, or is it lying dormant in my mommy bits?

As a carrier, they told me I should be examined annually and monitored, and that I will always have abnormal PAP results if they test for HPV, which seems to be the new norm considering the vaccine etc. They also informed me, naturally, that I am higher risk for developing cervical cancer than women without HPV.

I just wanted to know if something was actually WRONG and if this would affect my attempts to conceive. They assured me I was fine on both accounts. I know of no family history of cancer, especially of the cervix. Maybe nothing will come of this. Let's hope for the best then.

You're Abnormal, Ma'am.

2009-01-21T17:36:00.000-08:00

I got a letter in the mail today. It says my recent exam yielded abnormal results. I haven't had an abnormal PAP since I was 22. That was ten years ago. Now that I'm ready for a child, the equipment's messed up? No fair. Hopefully, like last time, it's nothing. I'll keep you posted.

Nothing Yet

2009-01-16T16:02:00.000-08:00

Saw two doctors this week and last; got my meds straight so as to not harm any baby that may be conceived. It's going to cost me an arm and a leg to get my new psoriasis meds, but I very badly need them. Spoke with my dermatologist about this pesky stuff; it's hereditary, and I can pass it to a baby, which I loathe. I wouldn't wish this on ANYONE . . . okay, maybe on someone I REALLY hate, but the rest of the general public, no way. It's hard answering questions like "oh, what's wrong with your arms?" and "did you get into some poison ivy?" Over the years, I've become comfortable enough to just say, "it's just psoriasis, nothing will cure it, don't worry, you won't catch it." It took me a LONG time to get here, though. Looks like one day I could possibly fight that battle again. Poor baby.

Greetings.

2008-12-30T12:17:00.000-08:00

Some of you may be visiting from my regular blog. This is where I intend to hide all the "mommy blogger" type stuff that will eventually beging to spring to mind.

You see, Sunday night was the first night in TEN YEARS that I did not swallow a birth control pill. My husband ~~has been hounding me~~ and I ~~finally gave in~~ decided to attempt to reproduce . . . thus the blog title chosen above. Sunday night was also the first night of unending questions regarding my fertility and ovulation while I struggled to keep my anxiety under control. My god, man, I just threw the contraception away, I have no clue what's going to happen or when. I've never done this before, you freak!

*ahem*

Sorry. He's just so excited. Let's hope he's still excited at 3 in the morning when the beast is screaming and it's "his turn."